|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 3, 2009 15:58:19 GMT -5
Jasper hated to be away from Alice; he despised it more then anything else in the world but he also knew that at times it was a necessity. The face of the dying woman had haunted him for days after the car accident he had happened upon. The terrified scream which had torn from the woman’s mouth had ripped through Jasper’s mind over and over again till he could hardly stand it any longer.
It had all lain in her eyes though; and the look of total terror she had viewed Jasper with seconds before she died. She had seen him as a monster…she had seen him for what he had truly been and what he would always be.
No matter how much Alice adored him and the rest of his family cared for him it would not erase the fact that he had been reborn into a monster and he would always remain so. The only reason why he had stopped at all was because of Alice and his unconditional love for her. She was his world and his reason for living and he knew that without her he was nothing but with her scared him just as much.
He had more to lose with her by her side. He could hardly fathom the pain that would come when the day she finally realized he was a monster was thrust upon him. The only comfort in that day would be that he would not live long after that.
But until that day came he would continue to fight to be worthy of her love no matter the cost to himself. Knowing that and accepting it full bore he had slipped out of the Cullen home that cool night in October without a word save for a note he had left for Alice.
My love,
I know by now that you already have seen me leave which I know makes this letter rather pointless but just the same I had to leave it. I couldn’t leave without a word to you. You’re more then I deserve and everything that I want Alice. Without you life itself would no longer matter and I can’t allow myself to destroy the one true thing in my life. The woman…the one from the accident I can’t stop seeing her Alice and she’ll be my damnation if I don’t get away for a time. I’ll be our damnation and I couldn’t do that to you. I hope you know how much I love you. I will come back I promise.
Please don’t follow.
-Jasper
He had spent months alone with his thoughts and his demons not entirely knowing for certain where he needed to be or what he had wanted to do but knowing he needed to sort through his demons. To the best of his ability he had but everyday had been a struggle…a living hell without her and it had begun to wear on Jasper immensely till he could not longer take it.
It was those desperate feelings of loss that had drawn him back to Forks and back to the only woman who would ever hold his heart for all eternity. The sky around him was dark and the air bitterly cold but to him it didn’t rightly matter. He stood among the trees which surrounded the Cullen home and merely stared back at the house. The very house which could bring his wife and his family back to him, the house which held everything he did not deserve. The sky opened up and rain fell in droves soaking him to the bone but Jasper made no motion for the house instead he stood there in silence his eyes never leaving that which lay within his grasp.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 3, 2009 19:06:32 GMT -5
It had felt like a decade since Alice had found the letter on their bed that October night. She'd seen him leaving, it was true. She hadn't liked it then and she still disliked it now. Alice had expected to at least get a letter from her husband letting her know he was well. Sure she could predict his future and see if he was alright but a letter would have been nice. Anything from him would have made her feel a bit better.
After the vision she'd quietly slipped away from the family downstairs and went up to their room. Picking it off the bed, she'd sat down and read it silently before folding it and placing it in the desk drawer in a little box she liked to keep things in.
Since then, whenever she found herself missing Jasper she'd go upstairs and pull it out. She'd promised not to go after him and tired hard not to peak.
Earlier she'd seen him running in a forest and been satisfied to know he was doing well. She'd kept herself preoccupied watching Bella and Edward during most of Jasper's time away. She'd even painted her nails with Esme which had certainly brightened her dreary moods as of late.
It had started to rain outside and Alice thought about asking Edward to play some piano for her. She'd made it halfway to the piano room before seeing that he was still with Bella. She wanted to feel a bit bitter that Edward and Bella were doing so well but she didn't have the heart for it. She loved them both dearly and was happy for them at the moment. If only Jasper would come back maybe she wouldn't feel so anti-love. She'd left the room once or twice when she'd seen Carlisle and Esme together. It didn't normally bother her but she was feeling especially sad at the sight of rain. She normally loved the rain.
Alice decided to continue her venture and gracefully glided towards the room. She reached out to open the door and froze. Snapping her head up she looked down the empty hallway.
"Jasper."
She could feel him. He was close.
In the blink of an eye she bolted out of the house and immersed herself in the rain. Alice stopped yards away from the forest edge and scanned it, watching for any movement, as the rain continued to pour.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 4, 2009 10:53:27 GMT -5
The rain continued to fall from the sky in droves but even so Jasper refused to move. After all it wasn’t as if he would catch his death standing out in it; he had caught that years ago. He watched as the lights flickered within the large house; the house he had once classified as home and the one he knew would welcome him back in an instant. Even knowing that he couldn’t force himself to venture up the walk into it. The months away hadn’t had their desired effect but they had at least silenced the woman’s screams but left enough self doubt within him to fill up the void.
He owed every single soul within it’s walls his life but especially Alice. From that moment so many years ago in the diner he had owed her his very soul.
“"You've kept me waiting a long time..."
It seemed as if he was always rather good at keeping her waiting yet never once had her love waivered and fallen away from him yet the fear was there and so very real for him. It was an empty fear he knew it; based on nothing but his own worries but that did not discount it. He would die trying to be deserving of her and that was all he could offer her and that tore at him every moment. She deserved eternal happiness free from strife and pain and worry and that was something Jasper was unsure that he could give her.
He could keep her safe from others that was the simplest tasks it was himself that was the enemy he did not know if he could defeat or not.
His life had been filled with solace, violence, pain and suffering till she had entered it and he would have thought that the years with her in his life would be able to wash it all away; but the past had a striking way of creeping back upon you in a moment. He knew he would always hold the fear of what Alice would do should the eyes that looked back at her ever re-take their crimson hue but that was something he was going to have live with because the months apart had shown him he could not live without her.
In a crack of thunder his eyes immediately fell upon her and he felt himself freeze as he took in rain soaked form the house looming behind her as the rain poured around her. He could feel her emotions falling off of her in waves and it broke his heart that he was the one to cause them. He stood frozen in his spot though unable to make a move towards her or away from her. He had come back for her; needing her more then anything and she was before him now and he was powerless to do anything save but look at her through the shadows of the trees.
He wanted to be selfish, he wanted to be selfish and go to her and wrap her in his arms and swear to never let go. But then another part of him knew that by doing that he would bring the pain of the futures back upon her and his conflicting feelings tore him from pillar to post. He could hardly think straight through her emotions though as they continued to seep with her and Jasper took a calming breath himself allowing the waves of calm to roll off of him and on to her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 4, 2009 14:17:03 GMT -5
The rain continued to fall and she stood staring into the forest. Alice was barefoot as she normally preferred to be. She stood ramrod straight, pushed up on her tip toes, and scanned the tree line carefully. She could feel him there.
The pouring rain triggered a memory as she stood there.
It had been the same, day after day, sitting in that diner. Every day Alice would come to the little diner and sit in the same chair she'd seen herself in. Her gaze would be fixed on the window and she'd play with her cup of coffee. The waitress made idle chat each day and became a good friend to Alice while she waited for the mystery man to appear.
The skies had turned cloudy and cold on that fateful day and she'd hardly been able to stand the wait. Somehow she just knew he'd be coming through the door that day. Alice had gotten their earlier than normal, not wanting to miss the handsome stranger, and found herself waiting still in the early evening.
The door opened and the sounds of the rain outside traveled in and Alice looked up. A smile slowly started to cross her lips as she stood up. She was careful to keep her excitement in check and walked over to the man coming in. She watched as he tried to wipe some of the rain off.
Taking a deep breathe she took a few steps forward, stopping in front of him.
"You've kept me waiting a long time," she said,tilting her head slightly to look up at the blond. She watched as he ducked his head. "I'm sorry ma'am," he told her, his southern twang, music to her ears.
Alice felt the rolls of calm rushing over her with the rain and a faint smile graced her lips as it had in the diner.
"You've kept me waiting a long time," she said to the seemingly empty outdoors. She knew Jasper could hear her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 4, 2009 19:32:04 GMT -5
Alice never left Jasper’s sight as she stood in the rain her eyes searching through the darkness of the trees surrounding the Cullen home. He felt his calming emotions have their desired effect upon the woman he loved as her distress which seemed to be screaming from her since she had appeared outside began to dissipate. A faint smile of his own crossed his face as he took In the immediate change that washed over her face as a soft smile crossed her features seemingly making her even more beautiful. It was then that he heard her; her sweet pixie voice floating through the air and traveling upon the backs of the rain drops to him.
"You've kept me waiting a long time.”
They were words he had heard before; words he cherished since they had been the very start to the rest of his life and only his Alice held the power to give them life. His eyes glistened in the flash of lightening as he allowed her voice to caress the air around him and within the blink of an eye he was behind her. Her small frame directly within reach of him.
“I’m sorry ma’am” Jasper whispered softly from directly behind her.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 4, 2009 21:33:53 GMT -5
There was a flash of lightening but she continued to stay still. Her gaze was transfixed on the forest. Alice then heard a voice behind her.
“I’m sorry ma’am,”she heard Jasper whisper softly behind her.
Alice closed her eyes and let out a relaxing sigh as she lowered herself back to the balls of her feet.Her posture loosened from it's stiff guarded way back to how she normally carried herself, like a ballerina.
He was really back.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 4, 2009 21:48:48 GMT -5
Jasper couldn;t help but allow a soft smile to cross his face as he immediately saw and felt Alice completely relax into the situation. The calm he felt pouring off of her now was worth everything. He had ahted to feel her to upset and to know he was the cause of it all.
"I'm so very sorry Alice," Jasper whispered his eyes still focused upon the back of her head. He reached out with a tentative hand and rested it upon her shoulder.
"I love you," he whispered softly as he turned her around gently. His eyes widened slightly as he took in her face for the first time in what felt like centuries. He stared back at her for a moment not having the words to say to her but simply staring back into the eyes he ahd always sought comfort in.
He quickly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him placing his lips passionetly against hers.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 4, 2009 22:21:51 GMT -5
"I'm so very sorry Alice."
She felt his hand move to her shoulder and let out a small breathe.
"I love you," he whispered softly as he turned her around gently.
Alice looked up at him. If they were human she was sure she'd be crying out of relief of seeing him. Seeing him there in front of her; alive in their own sense and as well as she could have hoped.
She felt his arms wrap around her and she moved to push herself onto her toes again, their lips meeting. It felt as if they were trying to fit all the months apart in that one kiss. Her arms were stuck by her sides but she managed to slip her hands into his back pockets, pulling herself closer.
The few months apart had made her realize how much she depended on Jasper. Hopefully he realized that while he was gone. There was a small want to slap him and tell him she was a bit angry for him leaving her but she couldn't be selfish. He hadn't just left for his own sake.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 5, 2009 12:59:13 GMT -5
Jasper allowed for the kiss to linger for as long as he dared. He couldn’t force himself to pull away from her; it felt as if he had been starving without her for all of those months. He finally managed to pull away though and stared deep into her eyes as eh tried to place all of the emotions he felt tumbling from her now.
“You’re allowed to be angry,” Jasper commented with a small smile as he picked up one of the emotions Alice was attempting to push away.
“But I am sorry for hurting you darling…I didn’t want to…but I needed to…I had to do it and I’m not even sure if it helped any but…I don’t want to hurt you,” his eyes never left hers as he spoke to her trying to apologize and trying to make amends for the last few months though he wasn’t sure if he could or not.
“I’m sorry love…” he whispered feeling as if he always seemed to be apologizing for his actions yet he never felt it was enough.
He held her against him his head resting upon he head as he breathed in the familiar and welcoming scent of her. He had missed everything about her no matter how small or insignificant it may seem to another he had missed her entirely. He allowed his fingers to slip through her hair for a moment as his eyes caught sight of the house which still loomed over them.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 5, 2009 14:39:23 GMT -5
Alice listened to his repeated apologies and turned to bury her face in his shirt front as she listened. She silently inhaled his scent and listened to his ever present soothing twang.
"It's alright Jazz," she said, pulling her face out of his shirt. Her gaze focused on his shirt buttons and she manuvered her arms a bit so she could pick at one as she spoke. "I understand why you went. Everyone else does too. We just want you back...when you're ready. I want you back."
She smoothed out his shirt again before tilting her head, looking up at him. "And now you're here."
Almost as if to reassure herself she reached up and ran her hand through his golden locks that were sticking to his head. If they were human they would most definitely find themselves with bad colds later.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jasper Hale on Feb 25, 2009 12:08:31 GMT -5
So many different thoughts and fears had crossed through Jasper’s mind in the months he had been away and he was comforted beyond repair by the fact that Alice’s love for him had never waivered in that time. Though he knew her and he knew that no matter how much she kept it buried there was the smallest but of anger inside of her and he couldn’t hold it against her. But in the same respect he didn’t want her to have to keep it buried for is sake.
“You never lost me Alice…and you never will,” Jasper whispered as he kissed the top of her head gently.
His hands clasped with hers as she ran her silken fingers through his drenched hair.
“I know you’re upset with me…even only a bit. You can holler at me if you want Alice…I would expect you to,” jasper explained with the faintest of smiles as he stared back at her. The cool sensation of her hand still nestled within his palm.
|
|
|
|
Post by Alice Cullen on Feb 25, 2009 18:22:10 GMT -5
"Not tonight," she said, tilting her head and giving him a small smile. "I'm too happy to see you."
It felt so nice to feel his palm covering her hand; his hair in between her fingers. Though a few months could feel like days to vampires, or even hours, it had seemed like a mini-eternity on it's own without him. There was nothing she would have liked to do than just feel him. It reassured her that he was there in front of her. That he was back.
Looking at his face, Alice watched a drop of rain trail down his face and stop at the bottom of his chin. Pulling herself onto her tip toes she kissed his chin and pulled back, resting on the soles of her feet again.
Her hand still resting in his hair, covered by his own, she lifted the other to caress his cheek. "Did I ever tell you how much I love you," she asked him, a serene smile making its way onto her lips.
|
|
